Letting go is tough, especially when your heart is fully invested.
It is something we all grapple with at some point, especially when it feels like life has handed us a love or person or belief or identity or status or outcome that defies logic or social norms.
For me, letting go wasn’t just about losing a relationship - it was about reshaping how I saw myself, love and healing.
Let me start by telling you a story..
It’s about a guy & a girl - a woman,I must say.
She was in a long term relationship with a man who continues to be an excellent dad, compassionate surgeon & a good human being at heart.
She was building her business & wasn't looking for a relationship.
Then she unexpectedly met someone - they began talking to each other.
Insidiously, their heart-based connection grew stronger. It was beautiful & innocent.
They inspired each other and helped each other focus on their purpose & growth.
When she would be thinking,”what should I cook - eggs or something else? .. a text message would promptly arrive ‘eggs’.. cook eggs!
When he would be tidying up his space - this girl sends a text “don’t forget to change the (bed)sheet”
The connection is difficult to describe.
Physically, they were in two separate countries, thousands of miles apart, in different time zones (and probably were from different timelines..)
These emotional - telepathic experiences happened a gazillion times.. and gradually these two stopped getting surprised at the coincidences.
They were both very practical souls who didn't believe in fairytales.
Under the surface, things were beginning to change and they didn't realise it.
To their shock, they realised that they had fallen in love with each other but they didn’t want to accept it fully.
They could see all the difficulties, all their imperfections, their fears & challenges clearly from the start.
It was forbidden.A type of love which society and family would never accept or support.
Then one day, for all the right reasons they decided to let each other go from their lives.
It is easier to let go when there's hate & they couldn't hate each other.
Letting go is never easy.
She had been betrayed in her long term relationship a few times in the past & it had gradually closed off her heart.She took up a lot of healing work for herself & therapy to become her happy self again.She started helping others & she believed that she was sufficiently healed.
Truth was that her heart had been tightly closed off for years and she realised that it was this man who finally broke it open, allowing her to be herself again.
Her communication style and the way she connected with people also changed after she met him.
She began trusting people again.
She began talking to everyone for a bit longer than she normally would .. taking the time to be more present for others outside of her work - all because of how he had changed her.
He made her feel heard, seen & understood, consistently.
She started loving herself.. more than ever.
It was probably because of him, her love for herself grew exponentially.. and sometimes when this happens - it can mean bad news for others who refuse to level up.
What benefit did he get out of this partnership, we’re not sure.
They were both not perfect & had their set of flaws & shadows... don't we all have them?
One thing she knew though, was that she loved him unconditionally.. and she wanted to see him happy, even if it meant that it was not with her.
She wanted peace & he wanted more (of her) which she couldn’t give.
They decided to let go.
But the heartache was unbearable for her, the physical pain was nothing she had ever experienced before - she realised that this may actually be the first time she was experiencing a proper heartbreak.
This story isn’t just about romance; it’s about breaking open, about seeing oneself & others in a whole new light. Through this connection, she was learning to love herself in ways she hadn’t before. Yes, there's pain but there was growth too.
She showed him what unconditional love felt like.
And he taught her self-love.
I’ve experienced this heartache too.
My heartache led me to a conversation with my 10 year old , Aadhav, who in his own wisdom, gave me the simplest yet most profound advice.
Me: Tell me, what do you think of love? Just for fun,I’m curious what you think.
Aadhav: Hmm.. if it is real, you will feel it.
Me: What do you mean by that? I can think a hundred different meanings from that sentence baby.
Aadhav: Mummy,if it’s real - your heart will feel it.Not words or gifts,your heart will feel it.
Me: Where did you hear that - YouTube?
Aadhav: No.I didn’t hear it anywhere.
Me: Okay if I told you that my heartache feels too strong to bear,what would you say?
Aadhav: (takes a good look at me.. long pause & then)
Mummy,you need to distract yourself.
Watch good movies everyday.
Me: But when the movie ends,I’ll still have this pain.. how will it go?
(Smiling, trying to keep it casual)
Aadhav: The pain won’t go.. you’ll have to keep watching and everyday it’ll get lesser & lesser.Then maybe after a few months it’ll be a lot lesser and gone.
Me: How do you know this?
Aadhav: I just know.I know when I see and speak with you.
Me: Does it bother you to see me like this? After few years,I’m worried that you may hate me.
Aadhav: I can’t hate you.
Me: What if nothing works & heartache stays?
Aadhav: You have to try. Do what makes you really happy. You can even sing, you know.
As this conversation was going on,I saw my teenage daughter doing her usual eye rolling at us.
Cozied up in her favourite PJs and slathering some lip gloss on,she seemed very interested in the topic.
Me: Do you want to add something bab?
Her: No.. buuut…
“Just make a note of all the things he’s saying about heartbreak,when he needs it - we can repeat it back to him”
Aadhav: Why would I need that repeated? I don’t love anybody.I don’t even have a crush yet.
Daughter: “Yet” Idk,you may need it.. Aadhaaaahalf lol (rolls eyes & runs away anticipating violent backlash)
🦋